Saturday, February 27, 2010

The Pecker

Today is saturday and it's stormin norman out there. Not really rideable conditions. Plus the water was shit brown and smelt like AIDS. It was a good day to just sleep in, catch up on some errands, go on tsunami watch, hit the gym to get buff, and kill some woodpeckers. Time to ruin some woodpecker's day. They're fuckin up my buddy's barn. I felt I owed it to him to protect his stuff from this scourge from the sky. It's an old barn that can't protect itself. Over the years, they're riddled the thing with holes. It's structural integrity is in serious question. So he's decided to go on the offensive and a couple months ago he went to the gun store. I think he picked up the most expensive pellet shooter in history. Big ass scope and all. Technically, it might not be a "firearm", more like a high-powered pellet gun since it's inside city limits. But it was super fun none the less. We each scored one kill before it got too dark. Many more to come. I'm gonna start scratching our kills into the barn like WWII fighter pilots.

Thursday, February 25, 2010


Seattle bro, and former World's Greatest Landlord, Tonto is claiming he got the wifey's hall pass and may accept my Mexican Invitation to surf warm waters in April. It would be rad if we were talking about T.O.N.T.O., the mega moog. It could play some trippy, stoned-out soundtrack while we slash and hack out way through Mainland Mexico. But no. Instead we're talking about Tontini, the guy that'll be drinking all our booze and downing all our Mexi-pharmacia stash with the biggest grin ever. Welcome aboard, amigo.

Check out some of Tonto's Expanding Headband (no relation)....

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Seasick Steve

Ryan Lovelace turned me onto Seasick Steve. I like this dude's jammin. I'll bet he's cool to have around while drinking at a campfire. He looks like he smells real bad, though. Not sure I wanna be stuck in a cab with bro.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Expedition 2013

There's been this big honkin truck over at our neighbor in the business park. It was just the frame and cab of a 4wd diesel Iveco looking rig. I've been thinking it would make an incredible sabbatical rig for 2013. You know, that's the year I quit the world for several months so I can drop out, surf, and grow facial hair. The truck's been gone for a few weeks and I had completely forgotten about it. Until today. The rig is back. But it now has the mobile stabbin cabin/butt hut mounted on the frame that I've been dreaming of. Holy Shhhheeee-iiiit! The only things that seems to be missing is the board racks and gun mounts. I'd love to cruise that thing from Alaska to Chile at a very slow pace.It's full titties, man. Except for the stupid squiggly paint things on the side.

Monday, February 22, 2010

t minus

April's warm water vacation plans are coming together nicely.
Stabbin cabana=check
Plane ticket=check
Bye Bye Bybee=check
Jimmy Robb=check
Jimmy's chick=check
Bill Dough=hungry
Mucho TP=check

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Kashyyk Idol

I know it's way past Christmas and shit. But when you find something as golden as "Chewbacca Sings Silent Night", it's just seems right to shout it from the mountain tops. A little holiday miracle happened today and it guided me to search Youtube for "chewbacca" and "sings". It then led me to a shining star in the northern quadrant of my cunpooter screen. God bless us. God bless us all.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Oh Canada

Do you know that Canada sells pills that have codeine in them to anyone? That's right, our neighbor to the north allows morphine's under-achieving brother to be bought right over the counter. They're called 222's. I love em for soothing the rough edges after a long day of shred. Plus they're great little hangover helpers, eh.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Carrot Top

At the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Carrot Top again won gold in the halfpipe. In the finals, Carrot Top recorded a score of 46.8 on his first run, which proved a high enough score to secure the gold medal without a second run. He performed his second run anyway, ending his run with a double McTwist 1260. This second run resulted in a record score of 48.4 (50 is the highest possible score) enlarging his margin of victory. His nearest competitor won the silver with a points total of 45.0, 3.4 behind Carrot Top.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Zog Blog

Hello bitches...Starting today, I'm turing over a new leaf at work. Due to a crappy economy and the slim chances finding another jobby job right now with such little responsiblity, I've decided to quit being the whiney, bitchy, disgruntled employee. I'm chained to desk M-F, 8-5 and I have lots o' spare time. So it's time to get a little creative and fire up a another blog. That way I can kill a few minutes each day and double my output of useless crap, misinformation, and bullshit. It's gonna be all things Sex Wax. You know, the surf wax company. It's a funny little business in a weird little industry niche. We seem to attract the goofy and zaney. There is also a ton of answers people want to know about our history. I hope to bring the knowledge here and there. We'll see if anybody really cares.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Good people gone

Last friday a drunk driver killed one of the raddest dudes I've barely known. I met Avi Schaefer through my martial arts gym where he came in last year and taught a Krav Maga series. My knee still hurts from being a test dummy. He was a twin to Yoav. They were both part of Isreali Defense Force even though they came from a comfortable life here in California. They was no need for them to get involved and risk their lives. 3 years in a war zone is not my idea of coasting through life. Why not just safely sit around in America? Because they both felt the duty to serve and try to make the world a better, safer place. He was a man of action not words. I'm sitting at my desk right now watching a live webcast of the funeral and absolutely blown away at the things he accomplished in such a short life. Avi was a solid human being with the most amazing energy surrounding him. There was going to be great things out of him. So mellow, intelligent, calm, and peaceful at only 21 years old. Yet that skinny, wirey dude could rip an arm out in 23 different ways. When I was 21 my accomplishments involved burning down an apartment and carving apples into pipes. Avi was one of the good people. He was destined for greatness and was going to bring positive changes to the world. Instead it's just another shitty drunk driving death.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Clean the lens

Kick ass day, mang. Kick. Ass. Day. Surfed El Rancho for a brief go out. I don't know why, but it sucked for me. I got a few overhead waves and surfed okay, but I just wasn't feelin it. I never seemed to be in a good groove. I counted 7 boats, so the lineup was littered with the common folk. Most of those boaters who put in the effort are good surfers, too. So it wasn't filled with your usual old man, longboarders that miss all their waves. There was some skill out there. Plus it was well overhead, pushing double. I shoulda been stoked and counted my good fortune, but not really. I just couldn't shake it. So we caught our necessary limit to make it acceptable then bailed. I planned to get back in time to surf somewhere in town and at least make the day not totally frustrating. Then my buddy said let's go surf a point north of Carpinteria. He said his friend has a house on the point and he knows the gate code. That way it wouldn't take a mid sized hike through a pitch black drainage ditch to get there. Once again, Country Club Surfing at it's finest. It took a while for dude to remember code since his friend changes the code on the weekends to keep his riff raff free loading surfer friends away. But HOLY FUCK it was well worth it. My day was salvaged by gut to shoulder high screamers. Me and basically 1 other dude trading pockets, barrels, and coverups on every wave reeling down the sand point. Some beatings were taken. The ocean still fills my forehead 3 hours later. Our own little Sandspit. Good times.

And I know how to live on the edge, god dammit. Here's a not so stealth quick peek of a spot earlier today that nobody's allowed to vid.

Friday, February 12, 2010


I don't want to jinx myself, but this weekend is setting up to be semi-all time. The weather should reach the 70's for some light bronzing action. More importantly there's a sizable NW swell from roughly 285 degress. A really good angle for the dangle. And to add to the possible epicness, I got the invite to surf The Ranch both days. So it's nothing but surfing and hanging out with dudes. Which should completely guarantee that I will be without a chick on Valentine's Day. As one of my married friends says..."you're either single and lonely or married and miserable".

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Abstract prints and bright whites

Slacks must've been a big deal in the 70's. There's so many incredible ads for slacks out there. I can smell the Old Spice just checking them out. Careful ladies, you'll get pregnant just looking at em.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

19 seven deez radness

Nothing today except vintage awesomeness. Check out that hood scoop.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Bill Johnson

1984, Sarajevo Winter Olympics. Back when men raced on 225's. Atomic Team Bionic...Ride the red sled. Fast as fuck. That was also the first winter I rode a snowboard. Probably around the same time Bill Johnson won the gold medal. My best friend Bryan Finke scored a board from some hippy Vermont company called Burton. He got the Performer modael, later called the Woody. We used it Portland's Gabriel Park whenever it snowed in town. It was always a race to build and shred booters above the baseball fields before the snow melted. On the weekends we brought it with us up to Timberline and Mt Hood Meadows to fuck around with between skiing. Over the next summer I started working at Round Table Pizza making something like $3.25 an hour and bought myself a Sims 1500 FE PRO. It was the first board with metal edges and p-tex base. I never skied again.

Friday, February 5, 2010

lightly heavy

This weekend's gonna be interesting...A little while ago I got a random message out of the blue. The shitbag lady that killed my sister in 1996 via drunk driving is going to be released from prison next month. I think I'm supposed to be pissed off, but I honestly don't give a rats ass. I don't care if she was in jail or out/alive or dead. Doesn't mean jack to me. I'm completely at peace and found some good out of this. Otherwise it was bound to destroy me. Back in 97 or 98, I flew over from Idaho to attend the weeklong trial in Portland. It was an amazingly stressful and heavy thing. Originally, thanks to Oregon's Ballot Measure 94 and a really great lawyer, she was sentenced to a crapload of years with a mandatory minimum of 17 years. Meaning she would serve at least 17 years. I guess when laws are passed a few years later they get changed again. By the time her sentencing came around I was begining the process of "being over it". Nothing's gonna change what happened and bring my sister back, so I'd already started channeling my energy away from it. Hate robs a tremendous amount of positive energy away from you. It's way easier to spread love. It takes way too much focus to maintain a grudge...unless it's against Chad Motherfucking Barnes. That dude was my best bro when my sister was dying. He knew what was going on and decided it was the perfect time to steal all kinds of shit from me while I was gone and my house was empty. I will always hate him, this I promise you. I wish prison AIDS upon him.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

River surfing

Some random film school Krauts built this awesome Sex Wax ad for their final project. The filming and editing is great. I wish I had the patience to properly edit videos.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I can't make my fucking mind work

Somebody's produced a docuMANtary about the World's Greatest Human Being Ever....Jack Mother Fucking Rebney, AKA The Winnebago Man. YES! I love this man. I'm sure you've seen the video many times before, but do yourself a kindness and check it out again. I mean, really check it out and focus this time. He's a pretty good salesman.

Too many favorite parts, but the "fuck" at 3:42 is simply incredible...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Rebel scum

Last couple nights I've been slothin and watching me some Star Wars Collector's Edition on VHS. You know, the real ones from the 70's and 80's. The only ones that count.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Feb Won

Today marks the 2 month aniversary since the death of TV in my life. It's been a long road to recovery, and I'm still a long ways from being well. Two months is a long time to live without the sweet radiation of Mother Television. In that time I've missed so much incredible shit. I have no idea what's happening in the Road Rules Challenge. Who's winning Flava of Luv? What's the fuck's going on with Steven Segal, Lawman, man? What ridiculous funny shit is Jeff Lewis pulling now? I also missed 47-year-old Heisman Trophy Winner Herschel Walker beat the crap out of some 26-year-old Hungarian bastard. After checking out the highlights, I'm not sure if it was an exciting fight. The crowd sounds like they're booing or moaning or farting or something. I dunno. But it does mean that Old Man Walker will fight again. And he'll have to move up to a tougher opponent. Which in turn means there's a chance of some sort of Joe Theisman incident where a coked up Lawrence Taylor snapped his leg. Jesus, I hope I get cable by then.