Jacko

Today is quite a sad day for celebrity deaths. First it was the beautiful, sweet Farrah. Now it's crazy ol Michael Jackson. Apparently this afternoon, he lost his battle to stay above ground and is moonwalking his way up to St Peter any minute now. For those of who don't sit a desk all day, you can read everything we know so far at TMZ. He died in an LA hospital of a heart attack. We didn't see that one coming. The guy had some problems, but it woulda been awesome if he could've made his comback. He was scheduled for 50 sold out shows in London starting in a couple weeks. It was reported that he was gonna earn at least $250 million. I must've been in about 5th grade when that Thriller crap came out. Everybody bought it except for me because I was never a Michael Jackson fan. But it's a sad day anyway. One cool thing about Jacko is that when he was normal looking, he owned a pet monkey named Bubbles. He used to dress him up in overalls and carry the hairy little bastard around. I think that's pretty neat.

Jill Monroe

Farrah Fawcett died today. So lame. I don't know if I was more in love with her, Heather Thomas, or Phoebe Cates as a little dude.

Choke

Hey friend. I've been in some kind of a funk for a while and I can't figure out what's going on. I've been really calm and mellow, where I don't really need much to be happy. I've just been content and cruising right along. Also, and most alarming, is I've been swearing a lot less these days and my general rage is gone. Not really sure what's the deal. I like that rage. It keeps me frothing. It motivates me. It could have something to do with Adam Carolla not on the air anymore, so I don't notice my rage as much. Maybe it's because I've been getting in a shit ton of surfing, yoga, kung fu, and kickboxing. I dunno. Things are good and I'm at peace with everything right now....work's great, El Nino should be bringing some good waves, cool shit is in the works for side projects, bought a new Subaru OutDildo, got a couple bucks in the bank for vacation, and all is well. Been on a couple dates but I ain't getting any lovin, so I should be rippin off tiger's heads. Today I realized that my HATE/RAGE LEVEL is at an all time low...and it's kinda scarey. Usually, when things are going great in my life, something takes a giant shit on me. Let me correct myself...something ALWAYS fucks up. My health, job, chick, whatever. Great! What's it gonna be this time? FUCK!



"3 seconds for the normal pers......"

The best for your wick

It was like pulling teeth, but I finally got some candles approved and produced. We're just finishing up the first batch today. Well, in all honesty, not "we", but more like the warehouse amigos. Strawberry, grape, and coconut. Ask for them at your local shred shop. They'll mask the stench of the dankest-of-dank and help stinky dudes get some lovin.

Rohg Weyv

On June 27th, you can go to the faggot-ass Warped Tour in Ventura or the opening night reception for Rogue Wave:A Survey of Contemporary Surf Art at the Anderson Art Collective in Carpenisteria, California. Should be some rad stuff that'll twist your fucking mind, man. Mixed between sharks, skulls, and surfboards I predict cool haircuts, tight pants, indoor beanies, reach arounds, and glad slapping. I'm there, bud.

Happy Solstice weekend

My cuntputer took a shit on me, so there's been a stretch of boring posts from work. My camera won't work with the Zog Industries 1999 technology. So what I've been posting has also been a mis-mash of crap. Lots of random going on around here but nothing really exciting to anybody except myself. Whatever. Don't read it. There hasn't even been much rage or anger to report. I even spent all day yesterday (12 hours) battling LA traffic and didn't throw shit or yell at one dude. Amazing restraint. Just a bunch of really boring, day-to-day shit. About the only thing to talk about is surf. I've been surfing lots over the last week, and I'm kind of surfed out. My buddy Duffy brought me to The Ranch last sunday. It was windy as hell, and pretty junky up on the north end, so we drove south down the beach to one of the weakest waves out there, Bullito. It was awesome. It was going off. We had as many gut/titty-high peelers as we wanted and it was all to ourselves...and Josh Farberow. He wasn't surfing but his chick was. Then on monday I surfed kick-ass head-high C-Street. Lots of ass clowns in the water, so I took everything that came my way. It was grinding on the inside, right above the bathroom. I shoulda pulled off many waves, but for some reason, I just kept going for it on every goddamm one. Not 1 graceful exit. There's been lots o surf all week long, but nothing epic. We'll see what the weekend brings. If I can get my ass off the couch, I'd like to check out the Santa Barbara Solstice parade. Freaks, hippys, and naked peeps.

Old people

Watch out for the speculum...

Dyno

According to the State of California my van was a GROSS POLLUTER. But that all changed with $800 worth of swearing, threats, contempt, tuneups, and a cata-fucking-litic converter. Then, last week I took her down to the local shop and got her smogged. The Holy Saint Selena looked on as it's ass was backed up onto the dyno for testing. Apparently I've got 493 horsepower and 516 ft/lbs of torque. Shocking. Then a short 20 minutes later the numbers were crunched and I passed the test. End of story for 2 more years.

They killed Kwai Chang Kain

Poor David Carradine. For somebody so respected, he died such a lame way in a Thai hotelroom. His neck and junk were tied together? Probably by himself? Really? People still do that? Haven't they heard of INX-FUCKING-S? Where do you learn that shit in the first place? He was in Thailand for fuck sake. Don't they have a spare hooker anywhere? Dammit buddy. Get yer shit together. I've said it a thousand times before, and I'll say it again.....
DON'T TIE UP YOUR BALLS, CHOKE YOURSELF, AND JERK OFF WITHOUT A SPOTTER.

**Interesting fact-Frantisek Kotzwara was the first person recorded to die from erotic assfixiation in 1791. Isn't that neat for his family tree.

**Interesting Quote-Confusius say...Man who goes through airport turnstyle sideways, going to Bangkok.


Not David Carradine....

More broads, less rods

loggin in

That 9'4" Dewey Weber is AWESOME! There was a mini sesh last night at Rincon where I got to give it a first ride. I got a bunch of waist high waves, and there was actually a couple gut high waves. I was the only dork in the rivermouth. Really fun for June 2nd. It's a big ol log, man. I can barely get my arm around it.. and I've got long arms, ladies. It's wide and big as fuck. I never noseride, but I'm sure I'll start. With the combo of the giant hatchet fin and the massive aircraft carrier-like deck, I'll be cross-steppin the shit outta this thing. Blogs are stupid if they don't include pix. I don't have any pix of the sesh, cuz I was shreddin, so here's a picture of the incredi Megan Fox...

Scam Now

"punch it like you're punching a midget...you little bastard"