Saturday, October 10, 2009

Mission Accomplished

Today in Hawaii, Craig Alexander conquered the Ironman World Championship. More importantly, today in Santa Barbara, a highly spandexed young man named The Brown Recluse conquered Gibralter Mother Fucking Road. It was now or never, I feared. So on tuesday, I decided to just do it. What's the worst that can happen? I had a major head adjustment going into it. Normally I would want to DESTROY the hill and ride with dignity. That basically means no stopping, ride at a good clip, hide your pain, and make other hurt worse. Fuck that. I'm old and broken and barely have the time to properly train. I figured that I would rob, cheat, and steal in order to get over this thing. And it was as grueling as I thought. My legs were flat and had no pop, but I just kept turning the pedals. I stopped about 6 or 7 times in order to get my heart rate down, other wise it was above 170 for about 2 hours. Oh and speaking of 2 hours, I had planned on a Worst Case Scenario of 2.5 hours for the whole thing. It took 4 fucking hours. I didn't bring any food and I didn't eat much beforehand. That was bad news. I also ran out of water, but I spotted a random drinking fountain in the middle of nowhere. If some guy hadn't been filling up a jug, I would've passed right by it. Somewhere near the top, I passed another biker guy and about 50 yards away, I found a pothole that gave me a flat. A quick tube change and I was back on my way. The worst thing about the ride is that there never seems to be a peak. It just keeps going up and up and into the wind. How can that be? Just when I thought there was no possible way it could keep climbing, I would go around a corner and see another fucking hidden peak. But when I was about to snap, I found the final downhill at Painted Cave Road. Not a moment too soon, my quads were cramping and was probably moments from bonking. It was about 20 minutes of high speed descent then a long, flat 10 miles to get home. I was spent. I swear, if it was 5 miles longer, I would not have made it on my shitty training. A couple hours of legs cramps and spaced out of my head, and I'm feeling a lot better now. Good times man.

So much hope


I shot anyway


Long and winding road



East Camino Cielo



Up above the clouds



Feeling like shit but almost home



Climbing Gibralter Road from Brown Recluse on Vimeo.

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13 comments:

  1. snowoneOctober 10, 2009 at 11:29 PM

    you've raised the stoke brother. good on ya. atta boi. shakka. pat on the back. etc.

    you deserve yosukos. you muther Fn athlete. way to charge. i forgive you for the crotch cam, the spandex, and the reciprocal claiming antics.

    party

    ReplyDelete
  2. SurfsisterOctober 11, 2009 at 11:42 AM

    Whoa!! That's some serious shit! I'm a sprinter. I wouldn't even consider making a climb like that . . . ever! Good on ya!

    By the way, nice bike!! I'm glad you pulled the trigger on it. That thing is truly sweet.

    ReplyDelete
  3. El HefeOctober 11, 2009 at 2:49 PM

    Sista, I never was a sprinter, I was a climber....a long time ago in a mountain state far far away. And this climb is truely a bitch. Even in shape it would be brutal. I hope the Tour of California tackles it someday so I can see how the top riders handle it.

    Bybee, dry ice some Yasukos and send it my way, you fucker.

    ReplyDelete
  4. danOctober 12, 2009 at 6:31 AM

    nice one! Did you hit a marb red after that? I heard it " Opens the lungs "

    ReplyDelete
  5. KLOctober 12, 2009 at 9:26 AM

    dude jeff- thanks for the video of your ballsack, and your infectious leg man.

    i couldnt figure out which was worse- all the gay myspace/facebook-esque pictures of you, or the video that made me feel gay.

    i still can't figure it out...

    ReplyDelete
  6. KLOctober 12, 2009 at 9:27 AM

    oh yeah, and CONGRATS! super badass (yet totally gay)

    ReplyDelete
  7. a manOctober 12, 2009 at 11:17 AM

    whoa.
    did it!

    srsly tho could've at least spun the camera around and filmed fighter-pilot descent...

    looks "sweaty" though. Dang. Good jorb.

    ReplyDelete
  8. drexnefexOctober 12, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    nice work. jeez.
    i did a 5K on sunday and can barely walk. your post confirmed what i was already fearing...that i am indeed a pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. a manOctober 13, 2009 at 9:28 AM

    drexnefex i had at least three epic bike climb tales this year and you didn't say "nice work" to me on any of them. is it because I don't sarf?

    ReplyDelete
  10. a manOctober 13, 2009 at 9:29 AM

    and yes, of course you are a pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  11. El HefeOctober 13, 2009 at 5:31 PM

    Nice ride, A Man.
    Now go fuck yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  12. KLOctober 13, 2009 at 11:46 PM

    WIN.

    ReplyDelete
  13. o4trixNovember 11, 2009 at 8:39 PM

    next time you do the ride stop by for a cerveza on the way down!

    ReplyDelete

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