666

A couple weeks back I decided to help out this fucked up US economy by buying Japanese. I scooped up a silver 2009 Subaru Outback Limited. Otherwise known as the Lez-Mobile. I was due for a new car anyway. They're practically giving the things away. I went middle of the road, because that's what I do. Never the best shit unless it's sports equipment or hookers. It's got leather interior, tints, sunroof, and colon heaters. The miles just rolled over 666, and I've gotten my first impression. I have to say, this rig is pretty good. I wasn't overly excited about any cars out the right now. All the cars I can afford look like a retard banged a downs syndrome and they crapped out whatever they could get out. No thought process or thinking, it just happened. The new Outbacks actually look decent. By no means sporty, but it doesn't look like the fucking Pontiac Aztek. DIE A MISERABLE LINGERING DEATH ALL YOU A-HOLES AT PONTIAC! It's got okay 0-60, but I don't care. I don't need to be anywhere right now. It's all wheel drive. And it gets decent milage. The only other thing out there that I was looking at was the VW Jetta Sportwagen Turbo Diesel which gets 45mpg. But I'm not in a college sorority and I'm straight. So there you have it. I hope I never start calling it a Subi.

Mile 666



The newest Brown Recluse is a silver. And not a van.

7-7-9

So much happening on today, I don't know where to focus my attention....


They're stuffing MJ in the ground today. I hope he stays there.



Team Astana won today's team trial so they now have 4 dudes in the Top 10. Team time trials are boring unless it's pouring rain and dudes crash. But whatever. It breaks up the field a bit. Plus, this year the Tour has no time bonues along the way, which means it's clocked on actual time. I'm not completely sure how that will play out in strategies. Hopefully there's some big break aways after this customary first week for the sprinters. Can't wait for the mountains.



Get yer Fantasy Surf Team ready for J-Bay, you losers. It starts in just a couple days. I think I have my team set. Here it is if you want to cheat off the World's Greatest Fantasy Surf Team Manager Ever...Slater, Taj, Martinez, Aritz Aranburu, Jay Bottle Thompson, Tiago Pires, Jordy, & Emslie.

Drugs are bad?

Call me a spandex wearing fag, but I watch bike racing. I don't have the time to ride as many miles like the old days, but I'm still a big fan of racing. The speed, danger, tactics, and shear pain is absolutely amazing. Nobody in professional sports has a higher pain threshold. Nope, not even teeny little triathletes. These biker dudes are hauling ass, using the draft to cruize along at around 40mph in the final miles. Their legs burning, full of lactic acid. Then they shift gears, kick it up a notch, and step on it, pushing big fucking gears into the final sprints. Elbows knocking and shoulders bashing each other they fight all the way to the line. If you go down at that speed, you're fucked. Things break and you lose skin. The acids make your quads feel like molten barbed wire is running through them, but you've gotta power through the pain. After a big spaghetti dinner and sleep, it's time to get up and race up a 10,000 foot mountain after 116 miles of racing. And then again for something like 21 total stages. And don't even get me started on the time trial days. Good times. There's nothing bigger for me than the month of July and the Tour De France. This year it takes a clockwise rotation around France for roughly 2000 miles. If you only know the sport from the nightly news, you've only heard of Lance Armstrong. He probably ain't gonna win this thing, but he's gonna shake things up alot. His team, Astana is loaded with talent like Contador, Leipheimer, Kloden, and Popovych. With that stacked of a team, who knows. Maybe a 37 year old cancer guy CAN win this thing.

*Lance got fined $92 today for not signing in before the race. OOOOoooooo, so scary. $92 dollars. Give me a fucking break, he used more in drugs today.

Happy 4th

Looks like smallish southern hemi coming for the big holiday weekend. So have fun out there, whatever you're doing....

Is Iceman selling his car?

The answer is NO. I'm not man enough to own this wing that drives around attached to this car. I would imagine the owner, Hennessey Henshaw, is a very manly, mini-dude with spikey hair, a popped collar, and an inferiority complex. I'm just guessing though. Is that Canadian dollars, is Fayettville in Canada?

Stop #4-Brazil

I'm working away at my desk watching the Brazil contest today.
Everybody hates this stop on the World Tour.
Lots of shittalkin on the webs.
I'd like Brazil.
Make the best of it.

Karl Malden makes it an even 6

Coming out of left field, it's Karl Malden to swoop in front of Swayze and claim the #3 spot of the second set of 3 dead famous people. They always go in 3's. I didn't even know he was still alive. I think I first remember him from The Poseidon Adventure. Then Amex commercials. Dude was old when I was young. Now I'm old and he's dead. He was a handsome man and a class act who had an old school Hollywood career. And he made it to 97 years old. Good job, considering the number of years he breathed the goddamm aweful Los Angeles smog. I have a sneaking suspicion we have another set of 3 getting ready start any day now (maybe it's just because we have so many famous people now). By the way that Swayze smokes cigs and has advanced cancer, I'd go double or nothing on Swayze being in that 3.

Desire Moore

Hailing from Coloradical...
Currently residing in Seattle...
Training in Ballard USA...
Grappa drinkin...
The Tower of Power...
The Thunda From Down Unda...
Every Mexican thief's favorite target...
An all around super-rad chick...
Desireeeeeeeeeee
Mooooooooooooooooooooore!!!!!

Chipotle Employee Just Gave Guy In Front Of You More Rice

I think some asshole at THE ONION has been reading my mind. Everything about this is accurate, except that I stand up for my burrito rights at each step. And I enver reach over the glas snot shield.

CHIPOTLE—In a lunchtime incident significant enough to warrant you pause, an employee at the fast food Mexican restaurant Chipotle has just dispensed to you a smaller serving of rice than the customer ahead of you.
Though it appears likely the less-generous helping of rice was a simple oversight on the part of the employee, and was in no way a personal slight against you, you reportedly cannot help but think that you deserve just as much rice in your burrito as any other paying customer.
Since noticing the rice disparity moments ago, you have considered a number of tactics to rectify the situation, including hesitating slightly before advancing to the beans and meat in order to convey your concern; staring intently at the other burrito in hopes of drawing attention to its incongruent size; and simply asking the Chipotle employee for a little more rice.
Witnesses at the scene are currently waiting for you to move down the line.
"Black beans or pinto?" the employee has just now asked you, seemingly unaware of the heaping amount of rice spilling forth from the tortilla only 18 inches to the left of yours. "Sir?"
Adding to your frustration are new reports that the customer behind you has received the same amount of rice as the customer ahead of you, thereby confirming your suspicion of wrongdoing. However, if an earlier incident at the coffee shop or yesterday's conversation with your landlord are any indication, you are expected to take this lying down, like you always do.
Your meek body language and resigned facial expression also suggest a high probability of inaction on your part, possibly owing to your fear of "causing a scene" in front of a bunch of strangers whom you will never see again and who would undoubtedly side with you had they seen the uneven rice distribution. A mental catalog of past Chipotle experiences currently racing through your head—including that time the woman gave you spicy salsa when you specifically asked for mild—likewise supports the belief that you are going to get screwed yet again.
"Peppers and onions?" the employee has asked, your burrito moving irrevocably further from the rice station.
As the opportunities for additional rice become bleaker, you have resorted to communicating your displeasure in a number of passive-aggressive ways. These include glaring at the employee when he looks away and providing somewhat curt burrito-filling instructions, such as "Chicken" and "Yes, pinto beans," in an apparent hope that your cold tone of voice will make him realize that a terrible mistake has been committed.
So far, however, none of these tactics has caused the Chipotle employee to look down at the burrito next to yours, notice the startling imbalance in rice, apologize profusely, and fill your burrito accordingly.
More shockingly, birth records indicate that you are a full-grown adult presumably capable of communicating your thoughts and desires to an unthreatening 19-year-old burrito-assembler. Yet you reportedly continue to avoid even the most minor confrontation, despite the ramifications it may have on your upcoming sour cream and cheese allocation.
If consulted, the Chipotle employee manual would surely verify that this is a clear breach of company policy, which dictates that a scoop and a half of rice be provided to every customer regardless of age, race, or inexcusable cowardice. Therefore, all sources confirm that you should stop acting like a little bitch who allows the entire world to walk all over him and just say something already.
"How's the rice today, good?" you ask in a pathetic attempt at sarcasm that draws only a slight nod from the employee and does nothing whatsoever to achieve rice equity. "Mild salsa please. No, mil—yes, that's fine."
As of press time the opportunity to demand more rice is long past, and the flour tortilla has been handed off to the employee responsible for adding the final garnishes of corn, tomatoes, and—holy shit, look how much guacamole that fucking woman is getting.

on deck

Who's next you ask? They always die in groups of 3? So far we have 5...Ed McMahon, Farrah, MJ, Billy Mays, and Gale Storm, but who's counting. I'm typing as fast as I can because we have a couple on deck....Patrick Swayze or Ted Kennedy. Either one could go at any second. In the fall of 1998, I was living the good life in Sun Valley, Idaho. One day I stepped out of my house and was heading towards the coffe shop, then the gym. An official-looking American car was outside my house and the window rolled down. Some giant, pillowy fat guy asked me directions to the gym. I pointed it was down my street about 5 blocks. I said I was on my way there in a few and he politely asked if I wanted a ride. I declined. As he drove off I realized it was Ted Kennedy. I don't think he knew there was no fried food or whiskey at the athletic club. Good thing I declined or I might've ended up like Mary Jo Kopechne. Although big bad boozing Ted's been fat and in ill health since the late 60's, my money's on Bohdi. Pancreatic cancer is a mother fucker. One of my all-time favorite bros, Tom Montgomery, died of it. He was the radest, healthiest, stud, triathlete, cardio freak, good guy, ex-Marine ever. One day uber healthy-then cancer-then gone 6 months later.


Swayze says cancer schmancer and keeps smoking...



Kennedy's driving skills....

The Week In Death

Dammit man, the Grim Reaper's snatching up celebrity's all over the place. The screaming fullbeard that was also known as Billy Mays was found dead in his Florida home yesterday. He had 50 short years of yelling and selling. The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. In a cage match with that Sham Wow guy, my money's on Billy Mays. I'll bet St Peter's already sprucing up the Pearly Gates with some Oxy Clean, Zorbeez, and elbow grease.

Given the choice, I'd rather practice my Thriller dance routine instead of dropping the soap. But I'd be so pissed if the warden made me be the chick. So degrading.