mystery fart

Found some mystery neighborhood painting down at the beach today. It was attached to some useless 4x4 sticking outta the ground. This is at least the second time this week that I've run across some random, guerilla style shit. I can't remember where the other one was located, but it was some painting nailed to the bottom of some STOP sign. Santa Barbara needs more funk. Good stuff.

glory days

Today's post is dedicated to The Boss and especially A-Man, who asked for a peek of my screensaver which was slightly visable yesterday. It's a vintage snapshot of my shredtastic life circa 1996. That's my original 1986 4x4 Starcruizer parked outside my home in Ketchum, Idaho. There was a couple years in the mid 90's where I couldn't figure out what board to ride. I wasn't really stoked on anything after my Joyride Carwash, so there's probably a Burton Custom or some Salomon Piece of Shit laying around inside. I rode Customs for a few years out of default. I can fucking guarantee there's some Northwave Apollo boots drying off inside the house. Those were the best boots I ever owned. From the amount of snow on the roof of the house and rig, I'd bet it was around Christmas. Looks like winter is really beginning. I think that was the year we had something like 30 badass powder days before Christmas and were kind of sick of shoveling snow. That's a good problem. The house was called The Pink House because the entry, living room, and kitchen were painted pink by some previous tenents. It was like living inside a giant vajay jay. I loved that house. The only reason I moved out was because I left town at the end of the winter to move back to the big city. But I couldn't handle it and was back in Idaho just in time for shred season in the fall.

tempting

What do you get when a TransVan humps a Monster Truck? Probably something that's retarded and likes bean bombs. But I'm sure it's something TOTALLY AWESOME! Something like the World's Greatest Surfmobile. Or maybe just the World's Biggest Money Pit. I dunno. Could be worth taking a risk. Dude advertises that it comes with a spare tire. Seems legit. Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

heeb mode activated

Every few years, when I need to quickly save mass quantitites of cash I enter The Heeb Mode. My Jew buddy Mike is the guy that coined that phrase, so don't get all Mossad on me. The HM is a blast of hardcore money saving. It's basically all about getting the Brown Recluse Purchasing Department to hunker down and spend no dough. Enough with buying too many surfboards already. It's all about baloney sandos, PB&J, Top Ramen, water, and brewing my own coffee. Time to go through my shit and Ebay like a motherfucker. I've got a Vintage 1990 pink Klein Rascal with the original Rock Shox rs-1 fork that is a goner. I'm gonna ride my other bikes to save gas money. Anything I can do save even $1 today will buy more Bintang later.

Ramen Love from Brown Recluse on Vimeo.

Adios, hombre de carne

Jimmie Dean was a great man. I ate his meat all the time. His meat tasted really good. I stuffed my face with his sausage, and his meat logs were expecially good when camping in nature. You can't beat Jimmie's meat. Poor Jimmie is gone now. But he lives forever in my heart in the form of colesterol and delicious artery clogging plaque. Thank you Jimmie.

Wider goals, people

Jesus christ, my hatred for watching soccer knows no ends. I hate even typing the fucking word. I love playing it, but I can't fake any kind of excitement long enough to saddle up at my local dive bar and get wasted watching soccer. Nothing good about watching it, unless you're getting a hummer at the same time. And then, once that's done, flip the channel. Quit fooling eur-o-selves. Absolutely it's THE FUCKING WORST SPECTATOR SPORT IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD! I haven't made an children yet simply because then I'd be forced to go and watch their soccer games. After a wannabe hooligan coworker at an Italian joint up in Seattle complained that Americans need to watch more soccer, I politely stated that it's FUCKING BORING, ASSHOLE. Why? Because these professional crysacks, they never score. They each get billions of Lira and a Spice Girl, but they can't make a stinkin goal each and ever game. What if Kobe scored every 5th game? Shoot the ball and make more goals. NIL to NIL is no way to end competition, you fags. Then I suggested, if these professionals can't make a single goal each game, make the goals bigger so the final score is something like 45-38. If that doesn't work...naked chicks. Titties everywhere. Boobies. Boobies. Boobies. That's it. That's the only way to save soccer in Amurica.

Final score of today's USA VS ENGLAND...1-1. Nobody won. Good job getting back to where you started ladies.

The Brown Recluse tending goal in about 1980...

broken dreams

I had a really good convo last night with Snowone about getting old, being broken down, warm water vacations, chicks, and shredding. Seems he's having a similar mid-life inspection as myself, but he's only 35. Give it 5 years brotha, it only gets worse. I'm turning 40 in the fall. Already? Shouldn't I be something more? I'm still waiting to figure out what I'm going to do with my life while every asshole my age has a family and owns their home. Oh well, I've got some kick ass surfboards, a road bike, and a Lazy Boy. Mentally I feel like I'm still a drunken 18 year old, but my whole body is breaking down at an alarming rate. I may not even be walking by the time I'm 50. My fake hip will probably need a revision in about 5 years and who knows what will happen with that recovery. So I'm going to start my mid life crisis today. Today is the start of The Decade of Mid Life Crisis Hefe. And I will continue throughout my roaring 40's, unless I'm confined to a wheelchair, colostomy bag, or adult diaper. Every penny and spare moment will be spent pursuing surf and shred....or slothing in front of TV. I'm gonna surf and shred everywhere I've always wanted. Kinda like a bucket list for future gimps. Pavones, Bali, Peru, and Indo to name just a few. This morning I called to get a price for a flight to Bali October 8-25. It's ON!

pervin the webs

All hail the incredible, fat free, Hayden Pantanilierenelou. Or something like that. She's got some great chompers. I ran across (googled) some 600zoom beach pics this morning and found myself still studying them a good 10 minutes later. God bless you stalking paparaatziolitzi.

wind swell surprise

After a coffee and a duke, I cruized down to my favorite little beach on saturday to kill some time before knocking out the weekend to-do list. Good thing I always have a couple boards in the Lezmobile, cuz it was pumpin. The sand was groomed to perfection from few weeks of flatness, and the crowd was thin. About 4 dudes out when I first arrived. I sat in a shit ton of gut-chest high pockets, with the occasional bigger sets. Lots of head high goodness and everything in between. Although this particular wave isn't known for being fast, it was haulin some serious ass, it was screamin. Late drops and haul ass was all I wanted to do. Not sure how many waves I picked off, but I'm certain that I didn't make more than a single turn on any wave. I'm still stuck in the joy of locking into a pocket and staying there. Draggin my hand and mini-pumping along. I mostly rode the last board I shapped. It's like my women...fat, short and stubby with a turned up nose...something like 6'3" x 22ish x 2&3/4. It's got a bit of nose rocker, but I didn't do a good job of thinning out the rails or tail, so it doesn't like to get on rail much. It and I really likes late takeoffs, deeper the better. As the day wore on, the crowd showed up. Got burned repeatedly by one kid and his dad so I had to start burning in retaliation. Gotcha bitch! Much of the same on Sunday, just more peeps and less burning. Then the Lakers game started and the lineup was empty. Great way to end a sunday. The best news is that all the waves kept me out of spandex and off the bike for an entire weekend. Good times.

valid till 05/26/2020

All I need is my passport and my wallet. And a surfboard. I'll need my passport, wallet, and a surfboard, that's all. And some board shorts...the passport, wallet, surfboard, and boardshorts. That's it. That's all I need. And some barrels. My passport, wallet, a surfboard, board shorts, and some barrels. But nothing else. Except maybe a travel buddy. So I need my passport, wallet, surfboard, boardshorts and a travel buddy to watch each other get pitted so pitted. BUT THAT'S IT!

The new passport's here!
The new passport's here!!

foot fist and unicorns

Sometimes I get bored at work. Let me rephrase that...it's boring as fuck around here all the time. So I spend the day around the webs searching for things to make myself laugh and maybe learn a little. Let me rephrase that...I check out youtube all day long. Here's today best find...so far.


I scored this find late in the day...

7 months

Somehow, I've struggled through 7 long months without the warming glow of TV. It hasn't been something I wanted to do, it's just kind of happened that way. Living with an anti-everything chick that's especially anti-idiotbox yet she rents TV show DVDs is the main reason. But really, I'm too fucking busy/lazy to wait around the crapartment for some inbred to come over and hook it up. It's just not on my list of priorities. So it's been a few months of reading and catching up on classic flicks from my local, independent video store. I hope this insanity ends soon becasue the Tour de France begins July 3rd. Can't wait to sloth in front of a TV again and see what I've been missing. Soon.