Friday, August 31, 2012

90 days out

Today marks the 3 month anniversary of going into a Ketchum, Idaho operating room and having my left hip socket cut out and replaced with a brand new titanium and ceramic beauty. Wow, where has the time gone. It's been a really crappy recovery, but we're getting through it. The rickety old socket was attached to my pelvis, and that's where the big problem turned out to be located. My pelvis was like Swiss Cheese, except instead of having a bunch of holes, my pelvis had one gigantic hole. So Dr Judd stuffed cadaver bone all up in there and then laid the socket on top with 6 or seven screws. The thing was all gooey and unstable for a long time. You don't want boney parts gooey and unstable. So it's taken a lot more time to get that sucker all solid and pain free. It's actually still super painful, something I didn't expect and wasn't prepared to deal with. I had mentally prepped for the worst, while hoping for the best. This turned out to be way beyond my worst case scenario, and also the docs. But like I said, we're getting through it. The other thing swapped out was the ball and plastic liner between the ball and socket. That was the easy part, like an oil change that going though your thigh muscles and ligaments. As of today, I still feel like shit, have a ton of pain, and can't put my pants on without grunting. Walking is neat, as long as it's flat or downhill. Uphill climbs are a bitch since I have trouble lifting my leg. It's like a retard club foot and I don't have a ton of control over it even though I work on it daily. Sitting isn't fun unless I squirm a lot and reposition frequently. Today I can officially do anything I want, I got the OK from the doc. But over the last couple I jumped the gun and I've been using mellow weights and yoga stretching it more and more. Riding my bike feels terrible but I feel the need to keep after it. Every pedal stroke is like a knife in my hip. I don't really believe it anymore but it should pay off sooner or later. So there's the update. Everything seems to be on track for a glorious return to surfing Santa Cruz on the weekends starting in October. God willing I don't break anything between now and then.

Saturday, August 25, 2012


I've reached a new level of suck. My first mountain bike "ride" in my new home was an utter failure on so many levels. I'm pissed I didn't recon the rides a little better. My failure to ask for directions to a mellow, flowy, non-technical ride that a gimp could spin around in his spandex, made for a few foul mouthed screams towards nature, rocks, myself, and inanimate objects. The section of the Tahoe Rim Trail I rode started at the Brockway Summit and only went higher. How the fuck could the trail start at the summit and go up hill, I kept uttering. Fuck off. It was a bit more technical than I need right now. I fell going uphill, which I'm sure I've done before at a much higher speed, but I just don't need it right now. I learned my lesson after 3 surgeries in under a year....or maybe I didn't learn. Oh, and who makes mountain bike shoes that walk like High Heels? I wanna punch you in the nuts and throat. You've got a recipe for falling and rage when add a left leg that doesn't lift well with High Heels, rocks, twigs, slips, pine cones, and instability. The rocky terrain made me angrily stumble up the many times I had to portage uphill over rocky sections. My fitness is similar to that of an 80 year old woman, so man was I hurting and took no pics. I just wanted to get off the fucking mountain. Not the trail for me. Not now. Worst Mountain Biker Ever award.

Monday, August 20, 2012

I'm a Prisoner

I am the new number 2. I will provide INformation. inFORmation. InforMAAAtion. Some unimportant useless information about my first day of solid work in just over 4 months. It hurt to wear shoes(in a very whiney little Woody Allen tone). There was a small platoon of us inductees that walked in all wide eyed like a new season of The Real World. I immediately passed silent judgement over each and every one of my fellow compatriots as they walked in the door. Curious to see how things pan out over the next few months with my assumptions. This whole new town/job/lifestyle thing is already turning out to be a fun little experiment. I may just stay camped in the RV Park living out of my car and trailer for another month so I can scope things out and not deal with roommates. All in all, we've got a good start and I'm definitely not hating my situation.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Yipee Truckee

It's getting pretty ridiculous moving every few years. My CHANGE OF ADDRESS forms are stacking up and I have to rack my brain every time I fill out "mailing address" vs "shipping address" vs "billing address". But the really cool thing is exploring new areas and shit. Around here there is literally a limitless shitload of stuff to explore There is everything outdoors within an hour of here. I'm already extremely aware that Reno blows, but just west of town the world changes. My current Recluse World Headquarters is in Verdi, which is still inside Nevada barely, and it's the beginning of everything wonderful. Today I woke up early around 11 am and headed west to Truckee for a mellow spin around Donner Lake up Donner Pass Road along Donner Pass Road towards Donner Summit. What a fucking gorgeous, classic, postcard perfect road bike ride. Of course I turned around about 50 feet up the big climb and stuck to the flats. The new joint is feeling way better, but why crack a real sweat this summer. I'm looking to take it slow then taper off a bit. The weather was hot and perfect, and I poked around town afterwards. Then I went for a long walk on the beach...down along the Truckee River. More like a short stroll while high on some remaining percocets. Already love that river. It's perfect for everything from white-trash booze cruizing to world-class flyfishing. As the day draws to a close, and before I get ready to hunker down to The Artist in my tiny home, I sit here in the RV park's welcoming center finishing up some internetting and watching Joe Dirt. For tomorrow I begin chapter 3,753 in my autobiography. I'm already stressing about what to wear.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

first Reno impressions

Wow. People live like this? En mass? Reno is a city in contrast. It contrasts completely to anywhere I have ever even thought of living. EVER. Please, nobody tell my parents that I'm living here. I'll end up becoming the victim of an intervention and hauled off to rehab somewhere nicer like Yakima Washington. There's the usual expected skanky whores, crappy tribal tattoos, terrible casinos, and shitty Nevada lifestyle. There's entire stores around here devoted to Burning Man so you don't have to be creative anymore and you can just consume shit. So far, the only people smiling are the baristas at Starfucks, but they're so jacked up they don't know where the fuck they're stuck. Every neighborhood seems like it needs heavy bars covering the windows and guns constantly pointed outward just to answer the door. But I've found 1 pocket of non-sketch and I'm gonna try to find a room for rent inside that area. Also on the plus side, there's a college here and they have some decent sports. So it'll be fun to attend some events that I could really care less about. There's also a nice little river walk along the Truckee River in between the giant casinos. Might be fun but I'll not be happy when I get mugged. Reno seems pro-bicycle. There's lots of other fags in spandex littering the roads and they have lots of paint on the road designating where I'll most likely get run over and killed. Truckee is just up the hill and only a half hour away. Lots of white people with dreads up there. Cute sporty chicks, too. I sat at the DMV in Truckee for about 4 hours yesterday and wandered the neighborhood. It seems like a decent area for adventure so I'd assume I'll use it as home base for exploring Tahoe. I'm sure I've forgotten something that's really shitty about Reno, but I've got plenty of time to complain over the next several months or years.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

hey bud, let's party

The Jeff Wirtanen International Cavalcade of Broken Bones & Amazing Life Choices continues to chug along at breakneck speed. Speaking of speed, it's just arrived full of hope and joy in sweaty old Reno Nevada, where METH is king. I've landed at the Gold Ranch Casino and RV Resort and I'm actually kinda fucking stoked. It's quiet, clean, and has a casino connected. I got drink credits so I'm up already. I can feel the luck. Also, there's a cement landing pad which means less dust and I get to plug the Boler in for fan use. It's hot as balls here. I've been hauling that fucking thing around and was wondering if I was just gonna throw it away at some rest stop along the way. Anyway, I'm doing laundry then gonna get a shitty steak dinner.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Mid Summer Training Camp

I live a relatively simple life. I don't require very much to lead a happy life. Just a bit of sports and the occasional rubbing up against a female. As the cliche's all about wanting what you have. Now that I can walk without a major limp, swim laps, ride bikes, and hike I am truly living the dream. To top it all off I moved out of my noisy fucking apartment and I'm camping in a free site along a little creek for a few weeks. It's 9 minutes stoplight free to the center of town and the Starbucks. The day usually starts leisurely around 9am. Why get up any earlier. I slowly lay in bed and start the actual process of leaving bed. I'll load the car withe all the shit I'll need for the day to limit my trip back to the camper. The first stop is Starbucks and catching up on the innerwebs. I'm That Guy nerding out in the corner. Then I'll head over to the gym for some physical therapy work. My hip replacement surgery was barely 2 months ago and we've got a lot of kinks to work out. It's painful as fuck still but it's just a grin-and-bear-it kinda thing. The more I do now the better off I'll be come surf season. After an hour plus at the gym, I'll stuff my face with some foods. Got fuel up for the afternoon double or triple. After lunch I'll try to stall for a while to let the food digest and get some energy built up. Because that's when I'll get on the bike and spin the legs. Not much power power on the left side, but it's coming back slowly but surely. It feels great to climb long mellow grades, but feels like shit to descend. All the rattling and out of the saddle crap ain't good. Just trying to stay upright and keep the wheels on the downside. Nothing to prove. If I have enough energy after all this, I'll head back to the gym for a mellow 1000 yard swim to loosen up the back and arms. I'm still working out the scar tissue from 2011's shoulder surgery and it feels incredible to get a good pull in the pool. By the time 6 or 7 pm rolls around I stop by one of the restaurants and get some To-Go food and take it back to camp for sunset. I'll sit by the creek and cram more food in my piehole before settling in for a good night sleep. I seriously have a smile on my face as I lay in bed reading in silence before sleeping in silence then waking up whenever I want to silence. I love being a hermit.