Monday, May 31, 2010

green light

I'm the most vile, worst kind of scofflaw. I wear spandex and sweat profusely while committing unspeakable crimes in broad daylight during holiday weekends. But not today goddammit. On one of the busiest days of the eyar for law enforcement, I'm the one they go after. I ain't admitting to SHIT! I didn't do it, I was framed and I'm not motherfucking guilty. You've gotta believe me. Officer Kamin didn't see it that way. That corksucker couldn't stop his motorscooter fast enough to start writing me a ticket. He started laying into me as he was reaching for his tablet, when I didn't put up with any of his crap. Normally I'd start with the ridiculous "yes sir/no sir" bullshit. You know, REALLy get in there DEEEEEEP and cradle his ballsack a bunch. But he was already writing the above ticket before his kickstand was fully engaged. Nowhere to go but down so all bets were off. I had to spew a little encouragement for his job well done protecting society. He don't ride bicycles and has no idea what's safest for me. Fuck him. He couldn't be happier to get rebel scum such as myself off his streets. I'm fightin this one just for the fun of it. I stopped, didn't put my Sidi Dominator down cuz I can balance like that, then proceeded through flashy red light safely. It's not my fault that my blocker, the truck I had pulled up next to, started then stopped like some pussy when it was OUR turn. No apologies and I'll do it again. Hopefully when Kamin ain't around. Such a dick.


  1. Take your bike to court and bust out a trackstand in front of the judge. That should end this quick, fast and in a hurry. I, like you, rarely put my foot down. Why bother if you can just bust out a trackstand? And why didn't you just bust into time trial mode? There's no way those fat ass police officers on bikes can catch you.

  2. i can see the hate swelling up inside this blog... use it... El Jefe will rule!

  3. f the police mang

    thanks for doing it for those of us who cannot roll...

    lol tho "trek road bike" lol the dude really wrote that down... wow.

  4. 8am? Buddy, I wasn't riding no bike that early. That's the deadline. I don't even know who Zappos is, just a pretty picture.

  5. oh word...i'd've crumpled that thing up by the time I got that far along...never seen the bottom part of a ticket lololol

    zappos is phresh