donde para mi?

My vacation refractory time is so fucking fast. And it's only getting faster. It's taken less than 2.5 month for me to be over it again. In all honesty, I was ready about 3 weeks ago and I'm barely hanging on by a thread. I'm in dire need to pack the boards and hit the road to go somewhere anywhere. Not quite sure this time. A long peeling 6 foot left point with 82 degree water would be ideal. But I sure as hell don't need shit this epic....

Ryan Hipwood lost it ???? from Paul Fisher on Vimeo.

hard nose

Pioneer Saloon, Ketchum, Idaho, 10pm, 8/21/2011.....
At 9:50, the bar held 5 random drunks and we were winding down the restaurant. At 10pm on the nose, the bar suddenly smelled like sweaty back hair, stale socks, and porterhouse steaks. It had arrived midway through a 7 bar pub crawl in the middle of Idaho....Lord Stanley's Cup. Clueless ho's lined up to take pictures with some big, shiney, silver thing but didn't have the faintest idea what it was. Slobbering men were frantically pushing their old ladies in front of it and snapping photos. Not a second went by where somebody wasn't touching it with saucerlike eyes and flash bulbs were going off. Like moths to a flame. A certified feeding frenzy of jumbo sized team jerzies from all over North America wearing shit eating grins. "That shirts gayer than 2 men fucking" was heard from a Rangers fan towards a Flyers shirt wearing fatso. And 15 minutes later it was gone, it's time was finished at the Pio, onto the next bar and another groping. More sweaty hockey fans and hangers on were waiting to get their glimpse of the 117 year old bent and banged up trophy.

Stanley Cup

Ketchum, Idaho is a hockey town. Lots of midwest transplants round these parts dropping shoulders everywhere. Our local hockey team, The Sun Valley Suns, used to have a dude named Beets play for them. Beets is now the assistant equipment manager for the Boston Bruins, who won the Stanley Cup last year. So he gets to spend a day or two the the cup and do whatever he wants. Dude wants to bring it here to Ketchum and we all get to rub up against it. Sounds like it will be spending time a the restaurant I work at because the owner is a big Suns jock strap, ooops I mean he's a supporter, a Sun Valley Suns supporter. I hope to fill The Stanley Cup with burgers or dough nuts, as suggested by Bill Dough. The whole town is abuzz about this cuz we're a small town and there's not much to do at night except booze it up. Yah! Stanley Cup!

Red Warrior

Posts are few and far between cuz I'm not tied to a stupid desk wasting away. Been spending my days riding bikes and recovering from that surgery. Last week Sushi James and I rode one of my favorite trails in the Sun Valley area, Fisher Creek. You just cruise up double track for about 7 miles of mellow grinding. Then you get some kick ass butter smooth, banked downhills followed by a milkshake at Smiley Creek. It's hands down, the easiest uphill for the best downhill. Then yesterday I blew up my lungs on Red Warrior here in Ketchum. I hadn't ridden this one for 10 years and forgot how fucking awesome it is. It's a motherfuck of an uphill that required some pushing and a couple bails on my part. We had a gigantic fire up here in 2008 where most of the forests burned. On these rides we've ben going through acres of dead, black trees with incredibly green undergrowth. The contrast doesn't really show up in the pics, but whatever. Then it follows a creek all the way down with tons of bitchin creek crossings, switchbacks, and high speed rollercoasters. There's been a ton of thunderstorms the last week so it's made the trails incredible right now. Tacky and grippy. I got caught in one massive electrical storm right at the peak of a mountain in the middle of a great ride earlier in the week. After I soiled myself, I regrouped and raced down the hill after the hail had stopped while thunder cracked all around. With my fake hip, I've wondered if I attract lightening a little more than most. It would be rad to be great at attracting something. At the end of that Red Warrior, there's no bridge so you have no ther choice but to ford through the aptly named Big Wood River. Cuz I've got big wood for my life right now. I'm fucking loving the mountains, mountain biking, Idaho, and working at night. But it's got come to an end soon and get back to the real world. Broken bones, bitterness, and shattered dreams here I come!

I feel like both of these two at the same time....

mtn bike nationals

Ned Overend


Winner...???


Rebecca Gould...CHAMP


???...2nd or 3rd place

I've been a mountain biker again for almost a week...4-6 weeks ahead of doctors orders. And I REALLY hope I don't fuck this up. But I've been jonzin to ride the trails and get off the stupid road bike. Over the last week we've hosted the 2011 US Mountain Bike Nationals so there's been something like 1000 riders spandexing up and down our streets and trails. Superhot athletic mountain chicks as far as the eye can see realy motivate me. On saturday I stopped by the races and checked out the pro mens and womens action. Since I've ben out of the sport for about 10 years, I have no clue who anybody is...except for Deadly Ned Overend. That dude's 55 years old and still in the hunt every race. He must've gotten somewhere around 10th. So yah, I'm definitely getting after it more and more. Thinking about some shoulder pads for everyday use.

man down!

Poor Chris Horner. 25 kilometers is 15+ miles which comes to about a half hour of end-of-the-stage cycling. Dude got caught in a giant pileup, cracked his skull very hard, picked his shit up off the cement, grabbed his bike, and spun his legs real fast for 30 minutes and had no idea he'd crashed and chased the pack? Damm dude. Sad to see it happen to any of these guys, but this guys a LONG TIME STUD and was hoping he'd podium at 39 and win one for the old dudes. Next year.

Tour de France forecast 2011

I predict:

-one of these dudes will crash and break his collar bone and I will not be able to watch the replay because I know the pain that said dude will have to endure.

-I will plop myself down deep in the Lazy Boy daily and lazily watch the coverage at least twice because I will fall asleep during the first time showing. This is the very same Lazy Boy I've been trying to get rid of for more than 2 years.

-drugs.

-I will get inspired and log a few more miles on my bikes during the month of July.

-Team Managers with shitty facial hair.

-people on FaceDildo report the events every fucking day, sometimes before I see the coverage and therefore stealing my thunder.

-I will yell at people on our bike path and call them "fucking idiot" and "are fucking kidding me?" or "nice work, dicknose" as they pull ridiculously stupid and dangerous (to me) maneuvers.

-Bob Roll pronouncing the word "France" as bad as Schwarzenggar saying "Caleefawnia".

-Andy Schleck winning the whole shebang after attacking on the first day in the mountains, and every mountain day after.

not bad/pretty good

As my old co-worker, Jered Gallapagos used to say, this van is not bad, pretty good. I wish I was looking for a home away from home right now, because it's one bad ass mobile stabbin cabin for sale just up the road in Stanley Idaho. Check out the vid. Be forewarned about the the broad's voice and shitty music. She might be Schwarzanegger's developmentally disabled love child. I'm trying to talk myself into needing this thing, but I'm already looking out for a Clark Cortez or UltraVan to go along with my Wapahh Surf Food Truck.

CA Hwy 1 Domination

All I need is surf food truck serving up hungry shredders from San Diego to el Capitan. Just following swells and stuffing faces with healthy nourishing food. Summertime means Malibu and south. The wintertime NW swells mean everywhere north of The Nard. In between selling food, I close up shop and get pitted, so pitted.

one week down

Since I'm a useless gimp right now, a lot of my time is being spent trying to find random projects I can accomplish.



There's not a lot besides hiking, smoking, overthinking, and one arm computering. I'm slowly going through all the pics I took while on vacation. Here's a few that basically sum up my trip.

yo, we ain't got no flo

My brain is full of wonderful percocet because my shoulder was operated upon last friday. However, I would gladly trade it all for a functioning colon. I'm starting to go nuts from sitting in my Lazy Boy for the majority of the last 3 days. My left arm is in full lockdown for the next 2 weeks so I'm and out of sleep all day mixed in with long, slow walks along the river. Hope to be back on the bike in 3 weeks.

cavity searcher

Consider yourself warned....DO NOT GO TO PERU, BUY COCA LEAF TEA AT THEIR GROCERY STORES FOR SOMETHING LIKE 75 CENTS PER 25 PACK, THEN TRY TO BRING YOUR STASH BACK TO THE GOOD OLD USA. Apparently, Homeland Security considers it in the same genre as cocaine, AKA The Peruvian Pinch. The Colombian Marching Powder. What a crock o' shit. Trust my deviated septum on this one kids, you ain't gonna Less Than Zero your butthole for some uplifting and soothing, and very delicious tea. No way, no how. Well, maybe. It's pretty damm good. No. NO DAMMIT! I said I was done with that. I won't do that again! Regardless, just don't bring the fucking Mate De Coca into this great country, alright? Some people who will remain anonymous have to learn the hard way. It's tough to tell from my receipt because Homeland Security can afford everything except carbon paper, but after getting up at 4am and flying for 10.5 hours, I was additionally detained for another 45 minutes at glorious LAX. It was okay because I got to watch them manhandle some little Asian dude who was bringing in Pee-Pee pills, a load of hiddden cash, and possibly illegal smut. They were going through his shit and grilling him like a hot dog on Memorial Day.

Luckily, when the dude asked where I was coming from, I replied Peru.
His next question was..."Oh yah? Do you have any coca tea?"
"Yep!" I said aloud, but inside I was thinking "FUCK! Shoulda ballooned it"
And with that he scribbled "COCA TEA" on my declaration and I was sent to Line B. As in BADASS.
They flat out stole my shit, filled out forms, scolded me, beat me with wilted celery, then sent me on my way.

I don't know what happened to Little Asian Man. I bolted for the exit faster than you can say Shawshank Redemption.
See you in Zihuatenajo, bitches.