Closer To Home

Right now I should be living the dream somewhere in Central America instead of sitting in front of my cuntputer. The secret plan was to quit the job right after the 08/09 winter swell season, maybe around May. Then load up the Super Van and surf my way south to Panama and back. Solo mission. I travel well that way. Just stack up some boards and cruize, man. You don't need much else besides board shorts and some wax. Ahh, the simple life. I'd bring all the camera gear and laptop for editing during the down time. Lots of reading and practicing Spanish, too. I was gonna make zero plans and just go wherever/whenever for about 6 months...or as long as the money lasted. It goes a lot further when you eats cans of tuna, roadside tacos, and fresh fruit all day. I have a ton of surf spots I wanna hit and that was gonna be my only guide. Who knows, maybe I'd find a little slice of heaven somewhere and post up for a while. Then when I was ready, I'd head back to Santa Barbara and find a new jobby job. But then the economy tanked and there's no jobs to come back to. So I stayed home, sold the van, and put all the money into a new car. The dream is dead for now. Maybe I'll do it in 2013. The 10 year anniversary of my 2003 Sabbatical in Costa Rica. But for now, I'm actually cool with it. I'm stoked for the job I have. I just need an adventure. Maybe I need to go camping and burn/blow up some shit. The CA city life gets a little mundane especially when you have an 8-5 and a boss with zero wanderlust. He doesn't understand the need to get caveman every once in a while. I need to shake things up a little...like Vanessa and Brett in Closer To Home. Except for all the hippy music and environmental protection, I like their style.

sciatica

My back is a massive piece of shit. Almost a year ago my L4/5 disc decided to fuck with me. So like the pussy that it is, it ruptured. The fucking thing started oozing out and ran into my sciatic nerve. It mashed up against it and brought me tremendous joy down my leg. Fire and DEEEEEEEEP down pain was all I knew. No sleep for most of 7 days tripped my shit out. I was jacked up on steroids, vicoden, and pain for a solid week before I finally got an epidural. Man, that was such a relief once I finally got that shot.

Fastforward to a couple weeks ago. And it took a dump on me again. Not nearly as bad, but very close. I cold feel sparks down the leg and I knew that the fucking L4/5 son-of-a-bitch was swellin up. I've been avoiding surgery because I believe my body will fix itself. My body is a temple, after all. For the better part of the year, my plan was working like a charm. But I haven't been as consistent as I'd like. I just need to get all jockish. So in order to motivate myself, I'm officially announcing that NEW HEFE has begun...again. In order to be solid for this fall's surf, it's back to the hardcore program that I've been slacking with....biking, martial arts, weights, lots of leg workouts, stetching, ibuprofen, and suppliments. to reach my full potential, I'll need to pick some Under Armour, a headband, Gator Gum, and some Oakley Razor Blades.

Here's how it's goin so far.

back in the saddle from Brown Recluse on Vimeo.

cycling is dope

After a rad day of biking and surfing I'm slothing. Slothing AND watching the climb up the Col de Tourmalot. I got thinking again....How many proven dopers were in Top 10 of the 7 Tours de France that Drug Free Lance Armstrong won? So I did a homework via wikipedia, see below. I may have missed a couple druggies. Most years it was half the Top 10. The best year for drugs was 2005. 7 of the top 10 in the Tour de France were confirmed drug users. That's the world's greatest bike races and 70% of the best 10 are cheats. Aren't drugs supposed to make you super human? I guess not. Drug Free Lance destroyed them all.

Also, if Lance doesn't test positive (and we all know he will never test positive cuz he's ahead of the testing program) I'm now placing my money on Lance to win this years Tour. That's right, after all my skepticism, I'm on board. Astana is strong. I think Alberto Contador is creating a distraction. Lance is pulling a Slater and keeping everybody guessing. Lance is faking weakness but he looks strong and confident (Art of War shit). I think he's saving his power for the Alps. And he's psyching out all the other dudes with his talk about Mt Ventoux on stage 20. WHAT? A big fucking legendary mountain climb that everybody in contention needs to have the power to climb 2 days before Paris? After 19 days of racing? OOOOOOOOoooooo.


1999-Alex Zulle, Laurent DeFaux,Richard Virenque
*tyler hamilton and frankie andreu were teammates and later proven to have doped.

2000-Jan Ullrich,Christophe Moreau,Roberto Heras, Virenque

2001-Jan Ullrich, Igor Gonzalez de Galeano*(only sanctioned in France), Oscar Sevilla, Santiago Botero

2002-Raimondas Rumsas, Santiago Botero, Igor Gonzalez de Galeano, Francisco Mancebo, Roberto Heras

2003-Jan Ullrich, Alexander Vinikourov, Tyler Hamilton, Ivan Basso, Christophe Moreau, Francisco Mancebo

2004-Andreas Kloden, Ivan Basso, Jan Ullrich, Francisco Mancebo, Oscar Pereiro

2005-Ivan Basso, Jan Ullrich, Francisco Mancebo, Alexander Vinokourov, Michael Rasmussen, Floyd Landis, Oscar Pereiro

sleepy

Looks like LightGnar was in Santa Barbara county.

666

A couple weeks back I decided to help out this fucked up US economy by buying Japanese. I scooped up a silver 2009 Subaru Outback Limited. Otherwise known as the Lez-Mobile. I was due for a new car anyway. They're practically giving the things away. I went middle of the road, because that's what I do. Never the best shit unless it's sports equipment or hookers. It's got leather interior, tints, sunroof, and colon heaters. The miles just rolled over 666, and I've gotten my first impression. I have to say, this rig is pretty good. I wasn't overly excited about any cars out the right now. All the cars I can afford look like a retard banged a downs syndrome and they crapped out whatever they could get out. No thought process or thinking, it just happened. The new Outbacks actually look decent. By no means sporty, but it doesn't look like the fucking Pontiac Aztek. DIE A MISERABLE LINGERING DEATH ALL YOU A-HOLES AT PONTIAC! It's got okay 0-60, but I don't care. I don't need to be anywhere right now. It's all wheel drive. And it gets decent milage. The only other thing out there that I was looking at was the VW Jetta Sportwagen Turbo Diesel which gets 45mpg. But I'm not in a college sorority and I'm straight. So there you have it. I hope I never start calling it a Subi.

Mile 666



The newest Brown Recluse is a silver. And not a van.

7-7-9

So much happening on today, I don't know where to focus my attention....


They're stuffing MJ in the ground today. I hope he stays there.



Team Astana won today's team trial so they now have 4 dudes in the Top 10. Team time trials are boring unless it's pouring rain and dudes crash. But whatever. It breaks up the field a bit. Plus, this year the Tour has no time bonues along the way, which means it's clocked on actual time. I'm not completely sure how that will play out in strategies. Hopefully there's some big break aways after this customary first week for the sprinters. Can't wait for the mountains.



Get yer Fantasy Surf Team ready for J-Bay, you losers. It starts in just a couple days. I think I have my team set. Here it is if you want to cheat off the World's Greatest Fantasy Surf Team Manager Ever...Slater, Taj, Martinez, Aritz Aranburu, Jay Bottle Thompson, Tiago Pires, Jordy, & Emslie.

Drugs are bad?

Call me a spandex wearing fag, but I watch bike racing. I don't have the time to ride as many miles like the old days, but I'm still a big fan of racing. The speed, danger, tactics, and shear pain is absolutely amazing. Nobody in professional sports has a higher pain threshold. Nope, not even teeny little triathletes. These biker dudes are hauling ass, using the draft to cruize along at around 40mph in the final miles. Their legs burning, full of lactic acid. Then they shift gears, kick it up a notch, and step on it, pushing big fucking gears into the final sprints. Elbows knocking and shoulders bashing each other they fight all the way to the line. If you go down at that speed, you're fucked. Things break and you lose skin. The acids make your quads feel like molten barbed wire is running through them, but you've gotta power through the pain. After a big spaghetti dinner and sleep, it's time to get up and race up a 10,000 foot mountain after 116 miles of racing. And then again for something like 21 total stages. And don't even get me started on the time trial days. Good times. There's nothing bigger for me than the month of July and the Tour De France. This year it takes a clockwise rotation around France for roughly 2000 miles. If you only know the sport from the nightly news, you've only heard of Lance Armstrong. He probably ain't gonna win this thing, but he's gonna shake things up alot. His team, Astana is loaded with talent like Contador, Leipheimer, Kloden, and Popovych. With that stacked of a team, who knows. Maybe a 37 year old cancer guy CAN win this thing.

*Lance got fined $92 today for not signing in before the race. OOOOoooooo, so scary. $92 dollars. Give me a fucking break, he used more in drugs today.

Happy 4th

Looks like smallish southern hemi coming for the big holiday weekend. So have fun out there, whatever you're doing....

Is Iceman selling his car?

The answer is NO. I'm not man enough to own this wing that drives around attached to this car. I would imagine the owner, Hennessey Henshaw, is a very manly, mini-dude with spikey hair, a popped collar, and an inferiority complex. I'm just guessing though. Is that Canadian dollars, is Fayettville in Canada?

Stop #4-Brazil

I'm working away at my desk watching the Brazil contest today.
Everybody hates this stop on the World Tour.
Lots of shittalkin on the webs.
I'd like Brazil.
Make the best of it.

Karl Malden makes it an even 6

Coming out of left field, it's Karl Malden to swoop in front of Swayze and claim the #3 spot of the second set of 3 dead famous people. They always go in 3's. I didn't even know he was still alive. I think I first remember him from The Poseidon Adventure. Then Amex commercials. Dude was old when I was young. Now I'm old and he's dead. He was a handsome man and a class act who had an old school Hollywood career. And he made it to 97 years old. Good job, considering the number of years he breathed the goddamm aweful Los Angeles smog. I have a sneaking suspicion we have another set of 3 getting ready start any day now (maybe it's just because we have so many famous people now). By the way that Swayze smokes cigs and has advanced cancer, I'd go double or nothing on Swayze being in that 3.

Desire Moore

Hailing from Coloradical...
Currently residing in Seattle...
Training in Ballard USA...
Grappa drinkin...
The Tower of Power...
The Thunda From Down Unda...
Every Mexican thief's favorite target...
An all around super-rad chick...
Desireeeeeeeeeee
Mooooooooooooooooooooore!!!!!