Saturday, June 12, 2010

Wider goals, people

Jesus christ, my hatred for watching soccer knows no ends. I hate even typing the fucking word. I love playing it, but I can't fake any kind of excitement long enough to saddle up at my local dive bar and get wasted watching soccer. Nothing good about watching it, unless you're getting a hummer at the same time. And then, once that's done, flip the channel. Quit fooling eur-o-selves. Absolutely it's THE FUCKING WORST SPECTATOR SPORT IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD! I haven't made an children yet simply because then I'd be forced to go and watch their soccer games. After a wannabe hooligan coworker at an Italian joint up in Seattle complained that Americans need to watch more soccer, I politely stated that it's FUCKING BORING, ASSHOLE. Why? Because these professional crysacks, they never score. They each get billions of Lira and a Spice Girl, but they can't make a stinkin goal each and ever game. What if Kobe scored every 5th game? Shoot the ball and make more goals. NIL to NIL is no way to end competition, you fags. Then I suggested, if these professionals can't make a single goal each game, make the goals bigger so the final score is something like 45-38. If that doesn't work...naked chicks. Titties everywhere. Boobies. Boobies. Boobies. That's it. That's the only way to save soccer in Amurica.

Final score of today's USA VS ENGLAND...1-1. Nobody won. Good job getting back to where you started ladies.

The Brown Recluse tending goal in about 1980...


  1. awright then guv you off the bloggroll... the crushing heaviness of the final minutes of a world cup game are like teaeouopoo or however you spell it...all these other countries have replaced wars with soccer--we still do wars, so that's why we don't fully get it...but trussit: when these ingerlish assholes are so hyped up, and only manage a draw against our pussy collegweboi squadd-- don't blow it by pretending not to care! This is EVERYTHING to them! And they fucking blew it! It's like your dudes in the mount baker banked slalom, talmbout all year how big it is, and then they get murkt by their friends/kids/whatever, even when it's RIGGED in their favor!!! gotta go with it: as of RIGHT FUCKIN NOW, we are equally as good at soccer as Ingerland...we not giving a shit, and they living and dying with it. That's fire. Roll widdit!

    USA USA USA!!!

  2. sports...

    BUT, i did just catch a soccer gayme up here in 206. box seat n shit. free/food booze. didn't watch a second of the gayme. wasted.
    i was impressed with how into it the fans were. the whole damn stadium was doing synchronized chants n shit. Seattle is INTO that shit.

    kinda freaked me out.

  3. I was there right next to Drxnefex and I'll admit I had a damn good time too. I'm sure that had nothing to do with the free vodka, tequilla, beer, wings, and BBQ, served at field level. For about an hour there I was a soccer fan...even though I don't remember who won.

    Get with the program soccer is the new baseball! SOCCER RULZ!

  4. surfers been the most jocked out boardsportsmen forever...if you're going to claim sarfer, you may as well jock out all the way.

    it doesn't matter that it's soccer, what matters is how huge it is. Even poker and golf are fun to watch when there's 10 mil on the line.