Thursday, November 5, 2009

Cold Fickle & Sharkey

It turns out there will NOT be any storm hitting the Washington or Oregon Coast starting tomorrow and lasting into early next week. Sorry everybody. The swell that I was so wrecklessly and fraudulently overhyping just yesterday has drastically changed course and it's completely gone. Not a wisp of a wave anywhere. Please change your travel plans. Just stay the fuck home and watch tv or something. It will be bathtub flat along every single nook and gorgeous cranny of the Pacific Northwest. No waves unless you're all Stand Up Paddleboard Super Waterman Guy/Girl. I repeat, DO NOT GO TO WASHINGTON AND OREGON FOR SURFING. I've personally witnessed 17 death by sharks and 42 freezings to death from the very cold water. Another 8 surfers died just from boredom during the long flat spells. On top of everything, there's been a tsunami, earthquake, landslide, fire, and massive outbreak of the anal swine flu and the entire state has been not been heard from in 48 hours. All are feared lost. So in conclusion...there's no storm, absolutely no surf of any kind, and it's a fucking bloodbath up there.

1 comment:

  1. atta boy, dead on balls accurate... nothing to see here other than pure carnage, train wreck, head-on; sleet, hail, rain, wind, and malfunctioning forecasted swell