SCOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRREEEEEEE!!!!!!!

The soul meter almost exploded today. I can't believe my good fortune. I just scored 3 new boards. Well, new to me. These things are old. I got a early 70's Dr Gooster single fin and funky ass Yater with a ultra flex fin like I've never seen. Did I just say Dr Gooster? What the hell is that. Sick logo on that one. They're all fucking epic in one way or another. Lots of weird rails and vees. My buddy cleared out his barn and had a few too many boards. I was getting a boner over a couple of them and he said "take em, they're yours". What? I said I'd clean them up and use them for a while, but they're still his. He also said another board he was given, so he said take it too. Turns out it's a 9'4" triple stringer Dewey Weber Performer. Fuckin A! Adios Robert August Surftech, you piece of shit. Bring on some waves. Take a look....

Hate mail

People never stop amazing me.
Exhibit A...here's a love message from my soon-to-be-ex-roommate to another roommate.
Repulsive.
And officially the Worst Roommate Ever.

Discover knowledge,excitement, & challenge

Poseiden look at me

T-Pain stole my shit. I'm thinking about suing this mother fucker for using a sick ass picture of Poseiden at minute 2:24.

Fan Halen & Mini Kiss

I went to the raddest Halloween party a couple years ago. It was hosted by some mega rich Montecito family and attended by all kinds of late 30ish, preppy Cate school families. Everybody was in killer costumes, I was Santa Claus. There were jungle gyms built for the kids and jungle juice for the mom & dad types. They hired some off duty Universal Studios people to walk around in real costumes like Spiderman, X-Men, and Shrek. The coolest thing was the bands they booked. Mini Kiss was flown in from New York and Fan Halen sexed they're way up from LA. Mini Kiss is a bunch of midgets that paint theselves up and lip synch some Kiss tunes...and they sucked. Somewhere I have my picture with them. Fan Halen, on the other hand, was the shit! Dude lives the David Lee life and the band rips. They even brought up some groupies to spice it up. It was like our own private Van Halen show in the hills of Montecito. A bunch of very white people gettin crazy.

What's next?

Nothing ridiculous or super funny to report. There just doesn't seem to be much going on right now. It's kinda average every single day right now, goddammit. I'm not sure if it's economy, blah weather, or lack of solid surf. The weekend saw some mellow longboard waves at The Ranch. We surfed John's Pond, Middle Peak, and Little Malibu all 3 days. Lots of waist high peelers before the wind came up, but nothing epic. Now it's tuesday and I'm tied to the cuntputer till friday. Here's work...

Untitled from Brown Recluse on Vimeo.

Altered States

Who's got one of these isolation tanks? I gotta give it a try, man. I wanna talk to dolphins and learn jiu jiitsu.

Hayden Panatierre

It was only a matter time before I posted something about Hayden Panatierre. As Adam Carolla says, she's a waffle crapper. A waffle crapper is a girl so smokin' hot that if she crapped on a waffle, it would turn you on. The 19-year-old Heroes actress' tattoo reads 'vivere senza rimipianti', however, the last word has one too many i's and should instead simply be 'rimpianti'. Oops. This is great stuff. I've been sitting at my desk studying the evidence.

The Honey Pies

I love this song, but I have no idea what dude's sayin. The name of the song is "Sex Wax", so I'd assume it's about midget tossing and vicoden. Santa Barbara needs more of this shit. We've got the worst music scene EVER.

Souper Wedensday

Motherfucking Ramen technology is unbelievable these days. When I was a little rat, all we had was Cup O Shit. You know. The ones in the styrofoam cups that taste like ass. Then along came Top Ramen. That crap was so good. For a couple years, I lived off it and Southern Comfort. My favorite technique was to stir in an egg while it was boiling away. Then I'd pour it over some frozen peas to cool it off fast and add some veggies. Now a days, they've got this bucket of noodles called Souper Meal. It's a $1 and it's full of tasty chemicals and Asian goodness. It's made BY athletes FOR athletes. Along with a Large Coffee, it's what World Champs eat for breakfast. I can feel incredible strength already.

World's Greatest Team Manager

What a lame Teahupoo contest, but at least I got some decent points. It's in the quarters as I type, but all my dudes are cashed. Still managed a respectable 717 points to keep me in the hunt and ahead of my nemisis, Dave Letinsky. There just wasn't the swell during the contest period. After an epic 2007, the string of lackluster waves continues. I think we all wanted to see the monsters that Teahupoo is known for. But the good thing is this will shake up the standings and make for an interesting season.

Kelly Slater 88
Andy Irons 104
Taylor Knox 113
CJ Hobgood 116
Fred Patacchia 87
Tiago Pires 11
Jordy Smith 100
Jay Thompson 98
Total: 717

After event #3 I'm 454 out of 15,598. So you're sayin there's a chance.

T-Bone List

It has come to my attention from Nose Tremendous that I have a secret homo attraction to T-Bone Da Menace. He brings up some valid points like I surf, moved to California, and have participated in yoga. There has been some azaming "coincidences". Today's list is dedicated to T-Bone and other startling similarities...

T-Bone shreds the gnar...I attempt to shred the gnar.
T-Bone ate a pork burrito for lunch today...I ate a pork burrito.
T-Bone drives a van...I drive a van.
T-Bone knows how to use a computer...I use a computer.
T-Bone takes pics...I have taken pics.
T-Bone drank 4 scoops of Colon Cleanse last night and took 3 dumps before noon today...I drank 4 scoops of Colon Cleanse last night and took 3 dumps before noon today.



T-Bone Art...


Menace to wooden statues...