Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Death comes thrice

Guess what?
Guess what?
I've been out of loop due to no interweb at the trailer park. That's part of being trailer trash that I'm getting used to, pal. But I'm sitting here at Coffee Bean logged on like a common vagrant, and I read about the beloved Sports Machine operator, George Michael died. Not to be confused with George Michael, the more arsty, bathroom humping half of WHAM. Poor guy. He was on late sunday nights pressing imaginary buttons on a crappy green screen while it sounded like the whole show was dubbed in Turkey. Sports this, jocks that, blah, blah blah. I watched it anyway because back then, we only had 3 fucking channels. That's all. But what this dying really means is another tri-fecta of death. First it was Brittany Murphy, now Mr Michael. Who's next? Who leaves this mortal coil and completes the circuit? Maybe it's old man Farve who takes a licking on an icey LAAAAAAMMMMBBBOOOOO FIELD. Or maybe Lindsay Lohan blows out a nostril and heart valve simultaneously on New Years Eve. Could it be one of the Jersey Shore guidos head literally fawkin pops. That Charlie Sheen is a loose cannon. Dear god in heaven, I wish it was Carrot Top. I've been hoping it was him forever. My previous picks of chain smoking Swayze and Ted Kennedy have sadly, passed away, so I've got nothing. I'm grasping at straws. I know I'm forgetting about someone. Who can it be? If you guess correctly, you get 1 free bar of Surf Wax, and a douching in Holy Water, you voodoo loving spawn of satan. Time's a tickin, lock them in TODAY!

1 comment:

  1. God-damn that Carrot Top is getting bigger and stranger every damn day!! Look how huge he is. Can you say police killing him after a nasty fit of 'roid rage during which he loses his mind (even more than before the weightlifting) and tries to fire an AK-47 at one of his audiences?? It could happen.

    Hmmmm, who would I pick? For reasons I don't understand, I'm voting for Joe Pesci. He seems to have disappeared. I've decided he must be terminally ill.