Saturday, March 27, 2010

Drunk driving FAIL

Perp...notice the tire streak

Victim...notice the fuckedupness

About an hour ago I got home from the world's greatest movie, Hot Tub Time Machine. I wanna party with those dudes. So I get home and hunker down with a nice bowl of granola and the cunpooter. You know, the normal saturday night. And I think to's sure gonna be a mellow boring night. Then FUCKIN WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! WHAT THE FUCK? IS IT TIME TO GRAB THE ASSAULT RIFLE AND UNLEASH THE FURY? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? SHOULD I HIDE THE COKE? DID A PLANE CRASH INTO MY SHITTY FUCKING APARTMENT COMPLEX? AM I GONNA SEE DEAD PEOPLE? All sorts of crap is racing through my mind. I jump up, look out the window down towards the street and see some truck trying to drive away form the scene of a tremendous three car pileup. But his whole front end is smashed to his dash. And his right front tire ain't rollin. The tire is just dragging along the street. His axle all done fucked up. He's tryin to make a getaway, but he's leavin a streak down the street. We give a slow, OJ Simpson chase because he's barely moving and the drunk lives just one block over and one block up. The fuzz arrives...he falls all over during the tests...and they haul his staggering boozy ass to jail. It was quite obvious what had happened. He had been driving along and failed to avoid 2 unoccupied parked cars. One poor red Chrysler is FUBAR.


  1. ... oh shit we drove last night ...

  2. Keep off the sauce if you get behind the wheel. And say hi to Jesse James and his skanks for me if you see them around there.